9.18.22

And back in the hall, while the one gymnast painter was sinking himself unapologetically into my ass, I felt the other, the one who’d responsibly used the right kind of paint all along, now use his thumbs to hold my real…self open, my lips, and then I felt him slide slowly up my real hole.” (Vox, pg. 83) 

Jamie was reading Handbook in Motion by Simone Forti. The other day he had said that Simone lived for a period in a commune where they lived in flow. No plans were made, no commitments, no schedules, no watches, no time, pure, uncorupted flow. He also had begun to say to me “I don’t know let’s be in flow” or “I could be in flow.” And I knew what he meant. 

I remembered a time not that long ago when I visited my little brothers house. A beautiful Victorian but redone slopily. Granite counter tops and a plasticy bar in the living room. At least they had a bar. I liked going there except for the fact that I felt too judgemental in that house. I wanted to change all of their furniture and do it up completely differently. It was too much emotional stifling that I had to do. Anyways, I was there the other night and we had smoked a little weed. They said “do you want to play a game or watch something?” and I responded that that I would play a game. I suggested a game where one person picked a card from the deck and stuck it to their forehead so everybody in the group knew what it was except the player with the card, and then the card holder picked a category like ‘first dates’ or ‘alcoholic beverage’ and then everyone else in the circle told a short story or gave a one word answer to describe the level of the card on the forehead. Two is the worst Ace is the best. At the end the player who picked the category guessed what card they had on their forehead. 

“I’ll go first.” I said and picked up a card faceddown so that I could not see it and stuck it to my forehad. I took it off and breathed a hot breath onto the back of the card and stuck it there again. “Umm, okay my cateogry is ice cream eating experiences.”

Billy decided to go first because he had grasped the rules of the game the best out of the three of them. Isaac, Eleanor, and Billy. “A waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles, and it’s vanilla, and a little bit gets on your shirt.” Billy said and put his hands up to his mouth.